temperance14: (Default)
...following my repeated attempts to accomplish a simple report from her directions and documentation.

Of which I now think may be complete directions--rather than the scatter shot, piece meal bits of paper and dropped suggestions that I've managed to pull out of her from inquiring over and over and over and over....

urgh. Remember, Self, it's actually Thursday, not Tuesday.
Thursday. Almost there.

Yesterday was fine. This is Monday on a Tuesday. Served on grits.

D: "Oh, I see what you're missing..."
Ego Mime: "Yes, any sense of active departmental cooperation and team spirit!"
temperance14: (Default)
The (presumed) student who wobbled in front of us on A street as it joined Old Davis.

Not really in control of her steering, nor looking up, as she attempted to turn left across the line of traffic...

because her head was crooked down next to her left shoulder.....

where she was cradling her cell phone while cycling and chatting.



Sep. 26th, 2009 11:10 pm
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This isn't going to be brilliant; I may not even keep it on LJ.

Forget it. I don't even have the energy, brains or inspiration to type.

I just wanted sewing to work. Maybe be fun. Realized that wasn't going to happen, but I wanted it to work.

Fabric folding last weekend (I think it was last weekend) went ok. I posted somewhere that this is where I get nervous, because I know I'm going to throw shit out of alignment. And I never cut exactly straight. And I don't care how much people tell you it doesn't have to be straight: they are just trying to make you relax. The truth is: cutting fabric has to be exact, otherwise you can't sew the seams straight. And for someone who gets nervous and can't keep the seams straight, it gets worse (also why I sew on VERY slow speed on the machine--I'm like a drunk driver following the bot dots).

Simple fucking top. VERY pretty fabric, that much pleases me. I picked out nice fabric. Laid it out as carefully as I could--but I positive there must have been a small fold on the 2nd layer underneath. One of the back sleeves did not line up notches with the front sleeve half, nor were the side lengths matching exactly. Back was about 1/4" to 1/2" longer. (Cheated--I matched at the bottom, and figured I'd trim or adjust at the neck line later.)

And then I sewed. More nervous. I pin baste, then usually sew in the longest stitch allowable, on the assumption I'll be ripping out. This time, I decided to pin base, then stitch base with a 1/2" edge--if all looked well, I'd do a proper, smaller, firmer stitch with a 5/8" edge. All went well, even with the sleeve fudging. 1/2" long stitch baste was fine--except the baste gathered and puckered a bit. Fudged some more by 'snapping' the stitch line and fabric straight--flattened it out. (If this makes no sense in description, my apologies--I don't know the right term.)

Everything looked good--and then I did the 5/8" seam--and it ate the the thread and the fabric.
I stopped and tried ripping out the tighter seam, but just ended up picking out the fabric thread.

*Sigh*. I know, I'm a clumsy ass. Will try again tomorrow. Maybe next weekend. I need out tomorrow morning, for just a bit. For future, will just use the long basting stitch as my 5/8" permanent seam. I'd rather risk the seam coming apart in the future than risk the fabric getting chewed up again.
temperance14: (Default)
It's that time of year again.
And it's time for the C word again.

Rule of MY Road )

OK, back to the fun stuff.

Oh. Almost forgot. Usual caveat. No, this is not prompted by any specific, recent situation. It's prompted by more than a few suprises and (hopefully) unintended confusion I've run into over the last 12 months. Up until now, I've not had the time to sit and mull how to phrase this. And, my usual worry over who I might upset.

Finally decided I'VE been upset enough.

OK, now back to fun stuff. (I'll try to find some.)
temperance14: (Default)
General theme has been developing since mid-morning:

Is "Chump" stamped on my forehead?

Come to think of it; this has been going on for a lot longer.

It's going to stop.

for me

Nov. 3rd, 2007 04:30 pm
temperance14: (Default)
I think I need a drive more than anything else.
Out. Sunlight.

Spent time indoors today being tired, trying to organize and update contacts.
And right now I'm looking at a rapidly setting sun, and realizing I was not laying on the grass, somewhere, out of this county, as I had imagined on Friday.

Artist's Way recommended a weekly date with yourself (insert joke here). I didn't get that. I need that. Now.

And I need it with sunlight and out of the city and the sound.

What do do

Nov. 3rd, 2007 03:08 pm
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A few weekend plans did not pan out, due to changes in other peoples plans, my lack of planning (or uncertainty in planning/calling people), and generally my body deciding it needed more sleep.

So, did not go for mega drive today. Did not get together with folks, or even get small part of clothes dropped off (they stop taking donations at 2pm.) Did not go minature golfing.

Did top off fluids in car. Did pay some bills online. Did leave messages for a few friends. Trying to stay in contact.

DID set aside some anime so that I can as Mr. Snuffy/Padre to you, Yorufu, so that we can see what is his and what is yours so I can deliver a bike and anime to your place....

but I digress...

Called the weekend clinic for eye advice (still red). If it seems a problem, will go to clinic tomorrow.

Remainder of the day

Need to get out in some sunshine...today or tomorrow?
Need to get eye drops.
Need to get shelving from Home Depot?
Need to wash more Dad clothes, and cull more of the closet.

Need to go to a fabric store and buy patterns.

Need shoes for dresses, and more importantly, a pair of shoes I can dance in. Have the Cap slippers, have the Cap sneakers. Need character shoes. Must check on Sac capezio hours.

More later. Tomorrow may involve a drive or dancing. Or more organization.

MUST get the room cleared out. Watching UB DVD with Mr. Snuffy isn't helping that, is it? Or the homework..

Update: and go over my voting ballot
And, if no one in this house can identify what a small part, do-hickey, widget or some piece of shit does, it's going out.

I may spend this evening throwing shit out.
temperance14: (Default)
Brought Dad in for a check up, due to loss of appetite. Which to the doctor seemed normal. Actually better than the way he usually eats. Checked his heart, all seems fine. And got blood tests.

Went off to work after appointment. After work I go shopping, leave Davis about 7?

And got a call part way home, not from the care facility, but from Kaiser in Vallejo.

His potassium is at a critical low. And they want to see him tonight to check him out.
Right now, I have called the care facility owner on her cell. She's not at the care home, but at her 2nd job. She's contacted the care home to have them get Dad up, and either the husband or the wife of the night care folks are going to go with me to Kaiser in Vallejo. 30 to 40(?) minute drive.

Yes, they need to see him as soon as possible. Cannot wait until morning. Cannot get ahold of doctor, because we didn't find out test results until after hours
No, we can't have this checked out at local Sutter.

I understand why, and all, but auuugh.

Feeling stupid. Yes, called brother.

He seemed fine today, relative to his condition. How did I fuck up.
No, I know how I fucked up. I didn't get this lab work done earlier.

fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fucked up his health.


Feb. 21st, 2006 09:49 am
temperance14: (Default)
I hate these crashes. Really good times, breaks/hiding from the daily grinds/stresses, really long weekends. Or a great combination of all three, like this past weekend

And I come back to the office, refreshed, full of plans on how to take back control of my work and life---and slam headfirst into a brick wall.

I really don’t know what I’m doing, and I have no idea how to get back into being a functioning adult. And worse yet is the sensation that the gears are grinding faster, tighter, the work in all my life is piling up, and my resources of time and money and energy are shrinking. And I really don’t know how to fix any of this.

I am really fighting an urge to pack it all up, turn it all off and run out of this building.
I know, I know: breathe breathe breathe.
temperance14: (Default)
Just a note. I think I jinxed myself. Was talking with the Major last night about finances, and explaining about the weirdness of mine. Was explaining that for now, most of my Dad's expenses come out of his own account; that the other financial problems I have are from other areas of life.

Went to take Dad to the doc appointment today. When I picked him up, the wife of the Res-Home couple told me they really need to hire a husband and wife couple to work with Dad for times when she and he (meaning owners of res-home) were away. And this couple is more skilled with dealing with dementia.

And it will cost an additional $1000 a month.

Dad proved to be more than they can handle by themselves. Which is to be expected when someone goes into threatening mood swings. That he has these threatening rages.
Apparently Dad put his hands on the throat of the husband.
And yeah, I've known about this last bit since Thanksgiving morning.
I was just waiting, thinking, how to talk to my brother and the doctor. Trying to deal with this, get it settled in my head and emotions. He used to do that to my mom to threaten her. I thought those days were over.

The part about the money was dropped in my lap this morning, 8:30am. I just excused myself for a few minutes, and walked outside to their front yard to regroup, so I would look shaken or crying in front of Dad.
I swear, I thought for a second about what would happen if I just kept walking, got in the car and didn't drive home. Just left my family, my home, my job. Just drive.
Yes, walked back in.


They say they still want him to live there. But we need to add $1000 on the the monthly rent; and the wife wanted to know what the doctor said, and did he give Dad any pills. Told her that I told the doctor everything about Dad and emotional history; but that he needs to contact a geriatric-dementia associate to confer, and he will be back with me within 2 days.

And told her I could not approve the extra $1000 right at that moment, that I needed to contact my brother.
And the doctor can't give my Dad any meds right off the bat.
And can I talk to my dad, but he won't remember.
And this feels like the same conversations I had with my brother. Whom I haven't called yet.

Because I need to just go away for awhile and let this settle in. I don't know what to do to fix this. I don't know where to ge the resources. I haven't known what to do about this man for the last 46 years.

I don't know what to do. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I just want this all to stop and be still for a few hours. I will e-mail my bro tonight, I don't feel like talking to him on the phone. We can do this,
We can do this, get the money or move to another place. I just don't know what. And I don't have any answers, solutions, or resoures or energy or strength anymore. I don't want to give answers anymore.

I'm tired, and I want my Mom.
temperance14: (Default)
And it never really was, was it.?
And no matter how much I wished, tried, pushed, begged, smiled or behaved or pretended
it never was going to be.
temperance14: (Default)
Would love to catch up about Earth Day, Life Day, and Placerville Day...
...but first, a word from my family.

(A cut about family dynamics and parental care. No, it's not fun, nor about dances or sith, nor does it have a meme--but it's what happens in my life and it is what was going on in my head while trying to keep my unbloomerness and red notepad hidden in the El Dorado Foothills.)

Welcome to the Twilight Zone )


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December 2015



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