temperance14 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
temperance14) wrote2005-11-29 11:50 am
temperance14) wrote2005-11-29 11:50 am
parental. fuck the cuts.
Just a note. I think I jinxed myself. Was talking with the Major last night about finances, and explaining about the weirdness of mine. Was explaining that for now, most of my Dad's expenses come out of his own account; that the other financial problems I have are from other areas of life.
Went to take Dad to the doc appointment today. When I picked him up, the wife of the Res-Home couple told me they really need to hire a husband and wife couple to work with Dad for times when she and he (meaning owners of res-home) were away. And this couple is more skilled with dealing with dementia.
And it will cost an additional $1000 a month.
Dad proved to be more than they can handle by themselves. Which is to be expected when someone goes into threatening mood swings. That he has these threatening rages.
Apparently Dad put his hands on the throat of the husband.
And yeah, I've known about this last bit since Thanksgiving morning.
I was just waiting, thinking, how to talk to my brother and the doctor. Trying to deal with this, get it settled in my head and emotions. He used to do that to my mom to threaten her. I thought those days were over.
The part about the money was dropped in my lap this morning, 8:30am. I just excused myself for a few minutes, and walked outside to their front yard to regroup, so I would look shaken or crying in front of Dad.
I swear, I thought for a second about what would happen if I just kept walking, got in the car and didn't drive home. Just left my family, my home, my job. Just drive.
Yes, walked back in.
*************
They say they still want him to live there. But we need to add $1000 on the the monthly rent; and the wife wanted to know what the doctor said, and did he give Dad any pills. Told her that I told the doctor everything about Dad and emotional history; but that he needs to contact a geriatric-dementia associate to confer, and he will be back with me within 2 days.
And told her I could not approve the extra $1000 right at that moment, that I needed to contact my brother.
And the doctor can't give my Dad any meds right off the bat.
And can I talk to my dad, but he won't remember.
And this feels like the same conversations I had with my brother. Whom I haven't called yet.
Because I need to just go away for awhile and let this settle in. I don't know what to do to fix this. I don't know where to ge the resources. I haven't known what to do about this man for the last 46 years.
I don't know what to do. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I just want this all to stop and be still for a few hours. I will e-mail my bro tonight, I don't feel like talking to him on the phone. We can do this,
We can do this, get the money or move to another place. I just don't know what. And I don't have any answers, solutions, or resoures or energy or strength anymore. I don't want to give answers anymore.
I'm tired, and I want my Mom.
Went to take Dad to the doc appointment today. When I picked him up, the wife of the Res-Home couple told me they really need to hire a husband and wife couple to work with Dad for times when she and he (meaning owners of res-home) were away. And this couple is more skilled with dealing with dementia.
And it will cost an additional $1000 a month.
Dad proved to be more than they can handle by themselves. Which is to be expected when someone goes into threatening mood swings. That he has these threatening rages.
Apparently Dad put his hands on the throat of the husband.
And yeah, I've known about this last bit since Thanksgiving morning.
I was just waiting, thinking, how to talk to my brother and the doctor. Trying to deal with this, get it settled in my head and emotions. He used to do that to my mom to threaten her. I thought those days were over.
The part about the money was dropped in my lap this morning, 8:30am. I just excused myself for a few minutes, and walked outside to their front yard to regroup, so I would look shaken or crying in front of Dad.
I swear, I thought for a second about what would happen if I just kept walking, got in the car and didn't drive home. Just left my family, my home, my job. Just drive.
Yes, walked back in.
*************
They say they still want him to live there. But we need to add $1000 on the the monthly rent; and the wife wanted to know what the doctor said, and did he give Dad any pills. Told her that I told the doctor everything about Dad and emotional history; but that he needs to contact a geriatric-dementia associate to confer, and he will be back with me within 2 days.
And told her I could not approve the extra $1000 right at that moment, that I needed to contact my brother.
And the doctor can't give my Dad any meds right off the bat.
And can I talk to my dad, but he won't remember.
And this feels like the same conversations I had with my brother. Whom I haven't called yet.
Because I need to just go away for awhile and let this settle in. I don't know what to do to fix this. I don't know where to ge the resources. I haven't known what to do about this man for the last 46 years.
I don't know what to do. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I just want this all to stop and be still for a few hours. I will e-mail my bro tonight, I don't feel like talking to him on the phone. We can do this,
We can do this, get the money or move to another place. I just don't know what. And I don't have any answers, solutions, or resoures or energy or strength anymore. I don't want to give answers anymore.
I'm tired, and I want my Mom.
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Please try to remember that there are those of us who care about you, support you, and will listen to you rant when you need to vent. You are loved. :hugs:
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This whole in-between process can't be easy on anybody.
Whatever you're feeling - it's ok to feel.
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:myaa and hug:
There has got to be a way to get your brother to be more resposible in this...outside of getting someone to steal him away in the night and beat him head to toe with sacks of month old potatoes.
Is there anyplace you can get advice, that will cost little to nothing, for what to do with your father when options are low? Or even help from the state/gov. for cases like these?
Take a few moments for yourself -now-. Hell take 60 moments for yourself and let it go for just a moment before you break down in hysterics and get yourself sick.
But if anything please, PLEASE take care of yourself Foole :big warm hugs: please try not to let it overwhelm you are doing great and above and beyond whats expected of you. This is just a fuckton* of responsibility you are unfairly shouldering.
---
* The author would like a pardon for her foul language leakage. There was more to follow but amazingly enough it did get filtered. She does hope that this will sort itself out right, and like soon, so you can enjoy your life a bit more.
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Anything we can do, like take you off on an escape of some sort or thugly duties, let us know.
update and thank you
Not going to apologize for the explosion (*shock suprise*), because dammit, getting told casually, obtw, we will need an extra $1000 for your dad due Jan 1....bit of a shock.
And it's my journal. It's my head.
To update, and yes, thanks
And thank you to the friend who IM'd me and calculated--and made me think like an accountant should--how long the funds could be stretched out.
(Although after looking at the bank account tonight, it won't be as long as friend estimated....but at least longer than I thought.)
Thank you to friend for making me giggle tonight.
And, we've got hope from the doctor. He was great. He's not only going to decide on meds, but is going to get us referal to a social worker. May not be a thrill for most of you who have dealt with one, but this has been the most help we've had from Kaiser since my mom had Alzheimers.
Thank you to all for hugs. And special thanks to
And thought they don't read this journal regularly, thank you to
love you all. Sleepy. Midnight and must fall down now.
Re: update and thank you
Re: update and thank you
VERY interesting.