Mis---the brain bits for the morning
Aug. 7th, 2007 12:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
temperance14Little marshmallow bits, trying to spill forth from the head and its not happening. (Started at 10am)
**********************
Not getting focused. Don't want to get focused.
Focused means facing what life is bringing, and I really don't want to deal with it.
I've had some lovely days in the midst of stress/worry/fear. I am focusing on *that*.
I'm selfish and childish. I am not only worried about what the future may bring for others, as well as difficulties for myself---and I'm worried about losing fun and pleasure.
No, correction. I'm worried about losing happiness.
This period of my life as been the most alive I've been in a long time. This doesn't mean always happy. I have been hurt and angry---but it has included the most happy joyous pleasurable times.
I don't want to lose that.
Maybe that ain't selfish. Maybe that's human survival. Not just animal survival (although I've learned how to be a good healthy animal in the last 10 years---I just have to remember to allow myself that basic instinct.)
No, I am learning what I am allowed to desire, aspire, as a cognizant, learning, human.
***************Good Lord. Good LJord.
I'm either 14 year old drama squeen, 17 year old emo, or mid-life I am woman, hear me worship psuedo pagan feely goodness.
Bleagh. Bad mis post, no miso soup.
Only tofu.
OK, done at 12am.
**********************
Not getting focused. Don't want to get focused.
Focused means facing what life is bringing, and I really don't want to deal with it.
I've had some lovely days in the midst of stress/worry/fear. I am focusing on *that*.
I'm selfish and childish. I am not only worried about what the future may bring for others, as well as difficulties for myself---and I'm worried about losing fun and pleasure.
No, correction. I'm worried about losing happiness.
This period of my life as been the most alive I've been in a long time. This doesn't mean always happy. I have been hurt and angry---but it has included the most happy joyous pleasurable times.
I don't want to lose that.
Maybe that ain't selfish. Maybe that's human survival. Not just animal survival (although I've learned how to be a good healthy animal in the last 10 years---I just have to remember to allow myself that basic instinct.)
No, I am learning what I am allowed to desire, aspire, as a cognizant, learning, human.
***************Good Lord. Good LJord.
I'm either 14 year old drama squeen, 17 year old emo, or mid-life I am woman, hear me worship psuedo pagan feely goodness.
Bleagh. Bad mis post, no miso soup.
Only tofu.
OK, done at 12am.
