All done.

Sep. 21st, 2007 08:55 am
temperance14: (Default)
Dad passed away at 5:22am this morning. I tried to stay all night, but found I was feeling beyond tired into drained (physciall, emotionally and mentally), so I left Vallejo at 4am this morning. Was ok with bro and nurses, so I'm fine with it. Dad was not conscious through any of this since...at least Tuesday, and likely very little before that.

I'm going to go to unwind and sleep. Feeling tired/vibraty, funked/happy at the same time.

Thank you to all who posted, called, or just sent prayers. I felt everybody with me throughout this. You don't know what a help it was.

*********
Not to be disrepectful, but I would like to thank Terry Prachett.

I brought Light Fantastic with me last night, along with knitting and Games magazine. When I was sitting by myself last night, I popped open LF, and skimmed through it a bit.

There is some strange and wonderful release about sitting in hospice with someone....and reading about Death trying to learn to play bridge.
Dad got morphine, I got the giggles. Both work.

Night. Later.
temperance14: (Default)
Hospice and DNR orders authorized yesterday; expect passing in 48-72 hours. Hospice will be completed at Kaiser Vallejo.

Will update more later

Updates

Aug. 3rd, 2007 11:34 am
temperance14: (Default)
Dad went into the hospital on Monday the 23 Aug, we discussed his likelyhood of hospice on Friday 27th, he rallied enough so that he could be brought back to care home on Monday.

He's far from 100%. I'm not optimistic. But I think he has a longer stretch frame of time than he did on Friday.

***********8
Well, the above was a cut and paste of what I posted to a few folks.

I realize this morning, that the doctor may have released Dad after raising the potassium, possibly to go home and get as well as he could....or just to go home to be in more comfortable circumstances. Will contact him, and my Dad's regular doctor.

And got a call from the care home. They want me to come over and talk to Dad because he won't take a shower.

And I just got off the phone with N, the main care giver husband who is very dedictaed to Dad. He is also have a rough day, admitting he has to try and catch Dad who refuses to use the walker or stay in bed and night and doesn't understand why. And has always been stubborn, and still gets angry when he gets stubborn. And still tries to hit people when he gets angry.

And I think they have two to three people over there taking care of two to three people, and having to focus their energies on one, whom they assumed would be happier, easier and getting better when they brought him home from the hospital. And they are suddenly aware today that the magic is not working. So they called me to come over and talk to him about showering.. Fortunately, I'm home today (not sure if they assumed I was in Davis at work, or if they saw the car in the driveway when they drove past.)

So. Are we at a point where I need a convalescent home. Can I convince him to go into one. And how do we find one who will put up with him attempting to hit people. Or are we going to be moving him from home to home every thirty days.

Gotta go.

Update

Jul. 25th, 2007 10:33 am
temperance14: (Default)
Dad not coming home today. They still need to bring potassium up, and he's been combative. Was restless last night, and not in great mood this morning. They want to hook him up to EKG and IV, and he won't let them.

Fuck.
If he didn't come home today, was going to visit this afternoon or evening. They asked if I could come in sooner, to see if he'd be more cooperative. I told them it wouldn't make a huge difference.

But, I'm going to get myself settled, get some work done, then head out in a bit.
But not just yet.

Not totally cold hearted: I did ask to speak to him, but they said he was sleeping. I suggested that since he didn't get much sleep last night, wait until the hours of 11 to 2pm, and see if they could work with him then.
This is going to be like Redwood City all over again.
temperance14: (Default)
Posted a explanation to last post.

And update to situation. Brought him in, was told due to testing backlog that it might be awhile. They sent me home to get some sleep, about 11, said they would give me a call in 4-5 hours. Bless their hearts, they didn't call me until 6.30 am. 7am? I got some sleep. Updated brother, still need to call care home, let them know. They will keep him at least another day to get everything checked out. Yes, Dad got combative with a nurse last night, squeezing her fingers and raising his hand, threatening to slap her. But they assured me he's fine and sweet this morning.

Still sleepy. Will visit, go into work, or vice versa. Bro coming in the afternoon. Going mull over best way to do all this transport.

Still sleepy. Going to drink tea, let phone charge before Ido any thing. And maybe 1 more hour of sleep. Emotionally I'm ok. I feel like...it's not an emergency at this point, and we wait and see. 7.45am
temperance14: (Default)
Brought Dad in for a check up, due to loss of appetite. Which to the doctor seemed normal. Actually better than the way he usually eats. Checked his heart, all seems fine. And got blood tests.

Went off to work after appointment. After work I go shopping, leave Davis about 7?

And got a call part way home, not from the care facility, but from Kaiser in Vallejo.

His potassium is at a critical low. And they want to see him tonight to check him out.
Right now, I have called the care facility owner on her cell. She's not at the care home, but at her 2nd job. She's contacted the care home to have them get Dad up, and either the husband or the wife of the night care folks are going to go with me to Kaiser in Vallejo. 30 to 40(?) minute drive.

Yes, they need to see him as soon as possible. Cannot wait until morning. Cannot get ahold of doctor, because we didn't find out test results until after hours
No, we can't have this checked out at local Sutter.

I understand why, and all, but auuugh.

Feeling stupid. Yes, called brother.

He seemed fine today, relative to his condition. How did I fuck up.
No, I know how I fucked up. I didn't get this lab work done earlier.

fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fucked up his health.
temperance14: (Default)
Just a note. I think I jinxed myself. Was talking with the Major last night about finances, and explaining about the weirdness of mine. Was explaining that for now, most of my Dad's expenses come out of his own account; that the other financial problems I have are from other areas of life.

Went to take Dad to the doc appointment today. When I picked him up, the wife of the Res-Home couple told me they really need to hire a husband and wife couple to work with Dad for times when she and he (meaning owners of res-home) were away. And this couple is more skilled with dealing with dementia.

And it will cost an additional $1000 a month.

Dad proved to be more than they can handle by themselves. Which is to be expected when someone goes into threatening mood swings. That he has these threatening rages.
Apparently Dad put his hands on the throat of the husband.
And yeah, I've known about this last bit since Thanksgiving morning.
I was just waiting, thinking, how to talk to my brother and the doctor. Trying to deal with this, get it settled in my head and emotions. He used to do that to my mom to threaten her. I thought those days were over.


The part about the money was dropped in my lap this morning, 8:30am. I just excused myself for a few minutes, and walked outside to their front yard to regroup, so I would look shaken or crying in front of Dad.
I swear, I thought for a second about what would happen if I just kept walking, got in the car and didn't drive home. Just left my family, my home, my job. Just drive.
Yes, walked back in.

*************

They say they still want him to live there. But we need to add $1000 on the the monthly rent; and the wife wanted to know what the doctor said, and did he give Dad any pills. Told her that I told the doctor everything about Dad and emotional history; but that he needs to contact a geriatric-dementia associate to confer, and he will be back with me within 2 days.

And told her I could not approve the extra $1000 right at that moment, that I needed to contact my brother.
And the doctor can't give my Dad any meds right off the bat.
And can I talk to my dad, but he won't remember.
And this feels like the same conversations I had with my brother. Whom I haven't called yet.

Because I need to just go away for awhile and let this settle in. I don't know what to do to fix this. I don't know where to ge the resources. I haven't known what to do about this man for the last 46 years.

I don't know what to do. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I just want this all to stop and be still for a few hours. I will e-mail my bro tonight, I don't feel like talking to him on the phone. We can do this,
We can do this, get the money or move to another place. I just don't know what. And I don't have any answers, solutions, or resoures or energy or strength anymore. I don't want to give answers anymore.

I'm tired, and I want my Mom.
temperance14: (Default)
while there is time. Following is on the same theme. Was written Sept 22 Thurs? at 11:30pm. This has been the first chance to post it. Nothing profound. Pathetic or pathos, and better for 15 than 45. But I wanted a chance to let move on in the world. I wanted words read before they disappeared.

It happens )

*********
Quick notes before I have to get ready for class

LJ ettiquette query )

********
Diary note )

*****
Have to get ready for class. One place where I'm in control, and on top. For the moment. Will see how long that lasts.
temperance14: (Default)
Sorry for the borrowed goods—but this was from a message I sent to a friend regarding my Dad’s surgery, so I just thought I copy it to ”here.” )
temperance14: (Default)
Retreat, retrench, reflect, rest. Should have been on picket line, but feeling sick and headachey. Need to rest for father’s doc appoint. tomorrow.

Everyday I want to write---and every time I get the time/privacy opportunity, I procrastinate—it’s after 4pm!. How can you hate to do something that you love to do? How can you make yourself escape something that is ordinarily addictive?

Because it’s public? Because you know it will never be the full truth? Because you know you will censor your expression?

On with it—LJ posts must be done today; parental )

Love to all. Heard from three pryanksters today. Two needed help and I couldn’t assist them much, I’m afraid. One I called because her LJ post sounded needful—she’s ok and has an army to back her up (love our Teddy [livejournal.com profile] barelyproper). And the LJ of one of our prodigals sounded lonely, but he has back up from Sailor Pryank/ [livejournal.com profile] psychababble, she who doth rock.
I wish we had helped him feel more at home---would he mind visiting us and singing for us again? Perhaps he might cheer us instead.
temperance14: (Default)
Would love to catch up about Earth Day, Life Day, and Placerville Day...
...but first, a word from my family.

(A cut about family dynamics and parental care. No, it's not fun, nor about dances or sith, nor does it have a meme--but it's what happens in my life and it is what was going on in my head while trying to keep my unbloomerness and red notepad hidden in the El Dorado Foothills.)

Welcome to the Twilight Zone )
temperance14: (Default)
Well, this seems as good a time as any to practice LJ cuts. No, won't prevent family members from reading this, until I start creating Friends Only messages---but since my family doesn't read LJ, no loss.

Anywho, the cut is an overly long blather on parental care, family dynamics, sandbagging, etc. Skip this if not your cup of tea, or glass of whine.

The Week That Was )
temperance14: (Default)
I've just test driven a mini-van. No, have never driven one, just rode. Renting it so that when I try to drive my Dad around during my visit, he will not start yelling and cussing at me about trying to fit into my car. And I do mean cussing. 77 years gains a lot of vocabulary.

My current car is a 10 year old Mercury Tracer sedan (because Detroit is afraid of the word 'station wagon'). My car has no automatic locks, no CD player, no alarm system. My car makes no noise when it opens and closes, and has nothing useful to hold your coffee or soda. But its the closest thing we have to a truck, and with Yakima racks, will haul my kayak.

But a minivan...My my. Was informed the gas tank is not much bigger than mine, and the mileage rate is just a bit lower. As I was test driving on the freeway and around town, kept thinking "It's not an SUV, it's not an SUV, the Davis Food Co-op will not revoke your carrot card...."

******
Picnic Day notes: Friday before spent with Her Gigglness. Showed her what I had borrowed from a friend. Then she showed me what she had. Giggles got to play Renaissance Barbie with me.
The Lady is adorable and fun, even when she is drowsy and should be napping. ;-)

Got up the next morning, determined to at least see if I could redress myself for fair, using the long full shift my friend lent me. So, essentially wearing 3 skirts. Met husband, and went cat shopping at the feline adoption area (we will meet two Russian Blues this Saturday to see what we all think of each other). Wandered back toward Hart Hall....meandered actually...figured I'd show up for decoration and moral support...stopped to listen to Didley Squat, and bought their CD.

Barely Proper came past, looking incredible in costume with German (so BP told me) sleeves. Awesome. She came popping back a bit more frantically nearing 1:45, asking if I could dance Heart's Ease--apparently had only 4 people, including she and I, and no musicians as of yet. Okay yes ma'am.

Coolness arrived when the rest of the Pryanksters arrived. All looked great, all moved like tops. I've seen them dance in practice--but the energy and glow and grins are incredible when it's actual showtime.
We had some inquiries about the group and joining practice.

Afterwards wandered with C and E, Steve, Jason and Craig and a 3 piston dalmation.
Eric attempted a pie eating contest--valiant attempt, but when a frat boy champion has most of his pie slathered over his eyebrows, we knew we were in the presence of Pie God. (P.S. Pie God was declared winner, raised his fist for a victory roar--then looked down and picked up more pie scraps to munch. Eek.)

Pyschababble joine us a bit later, as well as Barnabas. We all drifted apart, to meet back later at the new home of Barnabas-and-Hazel. I managed to get changed in the Mondavi parking lot with no one noticing, then EVENTUALLY got to New Abode. Great night of pizza, chocolate covered macadamia, and mind controlling 3x5 cards. And waltz lessons and laughing ass off.

Later, time to go to San Jose.

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