temperance14: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] ribbin thought this was cool on a recent post: www.unclaimedbaggage.com.
And declared it was worth a road trip. And [livejournal.com profile] josh_summit and [livejournal.com profile] groblek agreed.
I know [livejournal.com profile] yorufukagawa would agree.

Please don't say road trip )

Soeurs

Mar. 5th, 2006 12:34 pm
temperance14: (Default)
This is a bad day to post….or just a bad day for everyone. One friend (and probably more) are grieving, and another is feeling very unbalanced and overwhelmed in serving all their Ought Tos.

About this last sister, and sisters (and brothers) in general:

I was feeling very overwhelmed the last few days, posted about it, and got support--from so many.

But Overwhelmed Friend also talked to me about my stress on Thursday, offered me a place to stay the night to get away from it all. And posted a response to my stupid childish ‘stress’ post. And then even called me at Hare House on Saturday night to give me advice and reassure me.

Baby, I’m sorry we passed at the party. I would love to sit with you. I’ve been remiss on spending time with female friends, getting too wound up about money, time, transport, faires (or not to faire), other relationships, parental and sibling stuff and work and outside stuff.

And as I discovered last night, sometimes the companionship does not solve the problem at hand—it may even take you physically away from the problem you think you should be working and worrying on---but the support and love of friends, company, and giggles/hugs/cuddles/tickles CAN help. Company like that takes away the unimportant stress---the “I’VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING NOW TO FIX THIS BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT BUT I GOTTA DO SOMETHING BUT….” feeling is taken away.

Mainly because your friends will point out that there IS nothing to do until you sit, calm down and think. And they can listen to you, advise you. Help you realize what you can and cannot fix…maybe even help you with some of it. (You know the old folk prayer, the Serenity prayer?) And then, they love you and make you laugh, and guide you away from the stress of things you can’t fix, even if it’s just for a few hours. Even if its just permission to crash and sleep away from things.

And this is not what I started out to say. Except that I have been trying to take care of myself lately, and prioritize, and take advantage of wonderful, albeit brief and minor opportunities that have come up….


......but I don’t want to forget my sisters. I’m still getting used to having sisters. I’m still learning how to talk to people, trust them, ask for them when I need them,

…and realize sometimes they trust and need me too, and I don’t recognize that yet. Not all the time, anyway.

And I have a sister who feels swamped (and I can help, maybe, because I know swamped), and a sister who gave me poetry, and I haven’t told her yet how wonderful it is to be trusted with her words. Another who trusts me to look at omens, and is waiting for me to give her hope and comfort. Another who knows how to have fun and live better than most I know, who knows how to take care of herself, work, dance, laugh, create, and is patiently waiting for me to discover how to do the same and come out and play. And a sister who is part mother to me sometimes, has offered me so much hospitality and shelter that I cannot repay---and I still feel I do not offer her enough assistance, friendship, or time. Or dishwashing.

*******
And this has rambled way past what I started out to say. So I finish where I end, instead.

I love my sisters. I’m still learning how to have and enjoy sisters (still learning how to have and enjoy a lot of new people in my life). Still learning how to communicated, and when to leave people alone---and I get those signals mixed up. But I love you all, and will try to take care of you when you have needs, and give you room to bloom when you need your space to grow.
temperance14: (Default)
I’m peaceful, for the moment.
It feels so good…and so rare.Read more... )
temperance14: (Default)
It’s late. I should be asleep, but the insomnia, the inner rattling is running.

I should write. I want to: the real things. I wanted to write the fin de siecle things. The love letters were supposed to be written this weekend/vacation days; love letters to all who woke me up this year. The memory of this year…and others. The resolutions, the wishes…the book list (not books that I want, but books I am resolved to finish or remove from my view). The looks into the future.

I needed to write letters. There are two letters to be written about my father: one to my Aunt Maxine, another to my oldest friend, Deb. Two part / two sided letters, in truth. One side to explain what happened to my Dad since my Mom passed away (the last either of them has really had an encounter with my Dad or myself). The other is to say why I have not written; why it was difficult to discuss my father’s fading so soon after dealing with my mom’s. Not for the expected reason; trying to decide what to write, and what to bury.
I hate burying the words and thoughts; they need to be said, they are just sitting there, outlined, but no one says them. But it may be best, and just too late, to say anything else in this family. Truths don’t always do much good.

Notes to friends at another, old Bboard, who guided me through crashes in past years…and who were left out of my life this year, due to changes in myself that I could not yet explain to them. So many people I have known for a few years, or over half my life…and I cannot explain all of who I am. I don’t know if they will see all these scatter parts as a total of that same person.

Will leave off. This is no good. Just a quick run down of the last few days, and release the thoughts. Then sleep.

******
No….sleep first. Update tomorrow.
temperance14: (Default)
I never did give you random words, or kigo.
How about random thoughts )

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